All these stories should be conclusive proof that Chuck Norris is hard:
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the
probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris’ shoe. Chuck replied, “Don’t
you know who I am? I’m Chuck Norris!” The mere mention of his name
cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this
man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms
and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack.
Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the
first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is
afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by
“knit”, I mean “kick”, and by “sweaters”, I mean “babies”.
As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away
in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the
1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in
professional football history.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for
handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot
belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry,
the man ate a f**king Indian.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren’t
the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as
the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the f**k down.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can’t get up the
courage to tell him.
At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could
roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris
but Chuck Norris.